Hi all and thanks for coming in.

As you may be aware, the reason I haven't been around is a death in the family.

the funeral was yesterday and on top of everything else ... the weather here prevented me from attending (its an hour drive thru sleet and snow in my carmaro, ... ain't happening, I'd just wreck it).

So I missed the funeral, and though I didn't really know how to go about it, I wanted to somehow approach my in law about slipping him some money.

They've been broke for a couple years now. I send them money as possible, but i always sent it to my cousin, not her hubby. He lost his job couple years back and then slipped into severe depression, that combined with poor health (he's too heavy and = heart condition). Its not that he's lazy, or even given up, but the health combined with he's old, and only knows the one thing, and he's union, so if they ever get their shit together, he'd go back to work).

I know he could use some money.

I didn't make it to the funeral, but I know I could do something much more important (in her eyes anyway) which is help her mate out when in his worst, of worst times.

But how i do approach him with this, and not come off offensive, on top of which now It'd look like I was trying to buy forgiveness for not making the funeral, which in part, maybe i am. But I had always planned on approaching some of his kin and taking the chance (of offending them) to ask them what would be the best way I could get him some money, without hurting his pride.

If they loved him at all, they'd not find offense in my approach.


I really feel bad because if I had not been so un-inclined to ride with my brother (we have our own issues), I could have called him and caught a ride but I just couldn't do it. (an hour in a vehicle with him would be agony, we love each other, yet I can't seem to forgive him for stuff that happened which caused me to end up in this business. So there's that incredible sadness - at least on my part, and his sheer stubborness which he'd use the time to try and convince he how he was right.


.......


think about it, if i just send him (her surviving mate) some money and say I wanted to help, if it strikes him wrong , I insult the man at the worst of his time, and I'm sure my family would hear about it, so already being the black sheep for not conforming to the family business, now I'm a piece of shit as well for what is intended to be a decent thing to do.

I don't care so much what those in the family think, with whom I already have issues, because the way things went down, .... they don't deserve my worry of their opinion.

But I very much worry about the grieving husband's opinion and also my Mom's (she married into the family but was probably loved more than my Dad) so it would be discussed, and of course the rest of the family with whom I get along great, would probably come away with a lesser opinion of me as well.



.....

I guess this is both an explanation for my behavior of late, and a desperate search for a way out of this that honors my fallen cousin, in a meaningful way (ie get her mate some money because I know its needed, without insulting what I"m sure is a pride already on life support).

I know the easiest way out is just not do anything. That at least ensures I don't make matters worse than are now (for me that is), but if I did that, then I really would be a piece of shit, putting my own petty worries of what others would think ... over the very real needs of this torn family.


As you can see a lot has been on my mind. Felt good to write it down.

Thanks for listening, even if you don't have an answer (because I sure as hell don't have one that doesn't have rough edges).

__________________
If you are willing to sit quietly in the shadows and accept anything less than what you've rightfully earned then you not only deserve the screwing you got today, but also the one you're going to get tomorrow.

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